Clarity

When you look in the mirror, what is it you see?

For a long time, I was lost when I looked at my reflection.  Like many of us, I didn’t really know who I was, or where I fit in the world.  Luckily, I gained a lot of clarity on my journey through weight loss, and discovered portions of myself that I didn’t know existed.  Recently, I went through an experience that drove me to that lost place again, that space where I look at myself and my life, and wonder where the hell it’s all going.

What do you see when you look at your life?

Why do I feel like this?  Where is this coming from?  I find myself questioning and trying to organize my life all the damn time.  Am I making the right decision?  Am I doing this right?  Am I good enough?  My worries seem endless, but it wasn’t until I stopped to ask the deeper questions that I really started to find some relief from the anxieties that tend to consume me.

Perhaps we’ve been asking all the wrong questions.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see- and why do you see it?

What is it that you don’t see in your life that you want to?

These last few weeks have lead me to search more profoundly than ever, going deeper than even the insecurities that I typically try to avoid.  I ventured further inside myself and my past than I’ve ever really voyaged, and uncovered realities about myself I’d never even expected.  And it hasn’t been easy.  It’s been a rough few weeks- I’m not going to lie.  The silver lining has been that unlike every other time that I’ve gone through what felt like hell- this time I started addressing the real issues behind what drove me there.

So, I found myself in this unnatural and unpleasant situation of uncertainty.  Instead of wondering why I’m so insecure, I tried accepting that insecurity, and searched for the root cause of it.  I stopped wondering where these feelings came from, and discovered that acknowledging and accepting their presence in my life, in that moment, gave me a better ability to handle them.  Once you can accept something uncomfortable, the stress, and anxiety around it all becomes a little less scary.

Why wouldn’t I be good enough?

What is truly is the worst thing that could happen from trusting myself?

Why am I afraid to make a mistake? 

Searching for the more profound answers brought me to a new-found place of understanding.  Taking the time to address some of the worries and insecurities that have plagued my mind for years has been a weight lifted off my mind and body like I can’t even express.  I feel both enlightened and sad that it took me 26 years.

My next step was to act on the information I’d acquired.  It’s not enough to discover it all, I need to begin to deal with it.  And since I’m only just beginning to learn these techniques for understanding and coping with my anxieties, I thought it would be best to reach out.  For the second time in my life, I chose to be brave, to stand up for myself, to make the effort, and to ask for assistance in bettering myself.  I’m doing exactly what I did 4 years ago when I walked into Weight Watchers, and I feel energized.  I’m ready for the next journey.

So, you don’t see someone you love in your reflection, what are you going to do to change that?

clear

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