So often on this journey we look back on how far we’ve come. We review pictures of our former body and self, bring out the old fat pants from the closet, remember the times we put ourselves down. Some of my biggest pushes through the hard times in weight loss came from remembering how I’d felt. Stuck in the dress in the fitting room. The stab of pain when my ex-boyfriend called me a whale. The tears when I stepped on the scale and saw my first 2 in the hundred spot. I used to feel like I didn’t deserve to be happy, and I didn’t put much effort into self-discovery or improvement in my relationships. I was unhappy and until I found Weight Watchers, I wasn’t in a huge rush to change that.
Reminding ourselves of these things motivates us along the way. We remind ourselves that we’re no longer in that position, we’re not longer even that person. It gives us hope and is a great reminder of the progress we’ve already made on the journey.
I think about the past so often, and how much I’ve grown from the person I used to be. So much that this week I thought it was time to look to the future. Realize the exciting things I can to look forward to because of this journey, and find inspiration in what’s to come for me.
My wedding is less than 7 months away and trying on the dress I’m going to walk down the aisle in was somewhat baffling. Never in my previous life would I have believed I’d be getting married in a BRIDAL SIZE 8 dress, and more importantly, I wouldn’t be picking myself apart in it. When I put that dress on, my dress, I felt stunning. And not just great because I’m in a beautiful dress and my body is a decent accessory to it like I’ve felt in the past. I, me, in that moment, felt beautiful. Something a lot of us don’t experience enough in our lives.
I’m also working on what feels like the second of two big things I’ve done in my life for me. I push myself daily to manage full time work and 2 University courses, and despite behind exhausted every day and stressed a lot of the time, I know the feeling of accomplishment and pride at the end of it will be worth it (much like weight loss). With my determination to finish school I’ve also stepped out of my comfort zone and made the decision to switch to part-time work and full-time school once the wedding is over and I take the Summer off from accounting and management and math that makes my head want to explode. School is not only teaching me about Business Management, it’s teaching me to prioritize, both my education as well as myself.
Weight loss opened a lot of doors to self discovery for me and I’m excited for the new things I’ll discover about myself. It gave me a better chance of being able to get pregnant when we’re ready to have a family, and I’m eager to see how I’ll handle the challenge of being a mom. I know that my relationship in marriage will change and the things I’ve discovered about myself through my journey and through being with Eric will be tested. Leaving our tiny 500 square foot apartment (when the time comes) will no-doubt bring up many emotions for me as it’s been our little slice of heaven and the thing I worked hardest to put my name on.
The future for me is bright. There’s challenges on the horizon but many things to look forward to, and I’m walking into them in a completely different mindset than I would have as my former self. There’s no time to be putting myself down because I need to be strong for the next half of the journey. I’m not expecting to feel any less than amazing on my wedding day because that’s how every bride should feel (sadly, I don’t believe I would have felt as confident 60lbs ago). I know I’m a better partner to my fiancé because of the changes I’ve made in myself and I’m excited for the days and years to come together.